Two Aussies

Two Aussies, Davo and Johnno, were adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Davo stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth. This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo [...]

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WORST FIRST DATE STORY EVER -Obi

If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!
We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman [...]

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New Seat Belt Law

 
The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly
designed seat belt.
when the belt is properly installed
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%

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Blonde – Traffic Light

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red
light.

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Zoo jokes

Zoo visitor: What’s the new
baby hippo’s
name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don’t know, he won’t tell
me.

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Yo momma jokes

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can
down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said
“Moving.”

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Two Choices – Have a Shay Day!

Two Choices
What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never [...]

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Funny jokes – 50 best jokes

What’s the speed limit of
sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.

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The White Rose

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to the supermarket to buy the remaining of gifts I didn’t manage to buy earlier.
When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself: ‘It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other place to go…’
Christmas really is getting [...]

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Manure… An interesting fact

Manure:  In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer’s invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became [...]

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Golf

A man’s alarm goes off at 5.00am
He casually whispers into his wife’s ear – “intercourse or golf course?”
His wife does not flinch an inch when replying – “don’t forget your sweater.”

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Jokes about Rules

GEORGE CARLIN’S NEW RULES FOR 2007New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.
New [...]

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Answer me this jokes

Do fish ever get thirsty?

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Laughter – Is it the best medicine?

When I cry, the world feels sorry for me…..
When I’m angry, the world is angry back at me…..
When I’m frustrated, the world is frustrated at me….
When I laugh, the world laughs with me…..
Humor is raw.   You can fake being happy, but it is very hard to fake being funny.
It is almost impossible to fake a healthy [...]

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Zoo jokes

You don’t see many reindeer in zoos, do
you?
No. They can’t afford the admission.

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